Cabbage Patch Kids

“Honey, is that supposed to be a… doll?”

“Yes, dear, a doll! Isn’t it adorable?!”

“That thing is hideous.”

“Right, I meant it’s so ugly it’s adorable!” ~ A conversation between a husband & wife at some point in 1982. Probably.

You know how people completely lose their minds at Christmas when they hear about THE toy of the season? You know, the one that every kid has to have, or else you’re a terrible parent and probably supporting terrorism or something?  There’s one every year, and in 1982 the Cabbage Patch Kids were the toys that started it all. People were stampeding toy stores across the nation to get one of those dolls, which were saddled with the description “so ugly it’s cute.” Much like Pugs or Chinese Cresteds.

The origin of these hellacious dolls was based on a story about a little boy (named Xavier Roberts, after the dolls’ creator) who followed a BunnyBee (yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like… a bunny that sort of looked like a bee) behind a waterfall where he discovered a field full of cabbages giving “birth” to babies. Sound weird? It was.

The icing on the cake, though, was the fact that Xavier had the burden of saving all the babies from the clutches of the villain Lavendar McDade, who wanted them to work in her gold mine. (What is with all the bad guys going with child slavery as their punishment of choice in the 80s?)

It was 1982, and weirdness was the name of the game, so of course people were going nuts over these things. It even went on to spawn Babyland General Hospital in Cleveland, Georgia where people can actually watch the babies being born. (Not to name names or anything, but one of our Best of the 80s staff writers has actually been to BGH, and yes, she said it was just as disturbing as you could imagine. We mean, come on! It’s cabbages giving birth to humans.)

The ugly little dolls are still around and have, surprisingly, remained fairly popular with little girls, at least as far as dolls go. We’re not sure why (it sure doesn’t have anything to do with looks), but hey, any product from the 80s still living it up in the new millenium? We’ll take it.

We  ♥ Cabbage Patch Kids.

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~ by weheart80s on July 19, 2011.

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