The 80s ‘Stache

 Think about the greats like Selleck, Oates (from Hall & Oates, mind you), and the Hulkster himself.  What do these three men have in common, besides being icons from the 80s? Yes, you, there in the back with your hand raised. You say “awesome mustaches?”

YOU. ARE. CORRECT.

Try all you want but no one can deny that in our favorite decade, the mustache reigned supreme. While now it may be ironically cool to be a fan of the ‘stache, in the 80s it was legitimately cool. Why else do you think Magnum P.I. was so qualified for his job? You think it was skills? Pshaw. No. It was his mustache, friends. That thing was magical.

You think Sergeant Slaughter managed to help his G.I. Joe team by simply being all muscly and hardcore with those aviator shades? Um, no. It’s the mustache. It allows people to do great things.

Of course, the best way to sport the facial hair of the decade was to basically shape it evenly across your lip. No curves. No twirly villainous ends. No Mr. Monopoly. You want it to appear as though you have a broom on your face.

But, oh, how the might have fallen. In today’s sad times most people automatically associate the mustache with either a) a porn star or b) a child molester. So now, it’s fairly rare you see a genuine out in the wild. It makes us so very sad. But like we do with everything else that has gone the way of Skidz, we still love it. And we always will.

We ♥ the 80s ‘Stache.

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~ by weheart80s on July 22, 2011.

2 Responses to “The 80s ‘Stache”

  1. Yep, the stache hit its absolute apex in the years ’86-’89.

  2. Dude the writing on these items is great! Hilarious. That last paragraph is rather poignant. Yep I’ve made the observation that anyone today under the age of, say, 45 or so just should not have a mustache. Not only because people of that age and older were actually kickin’ it in the ’80s, but also because, today, it’s acceptable to wear a stache only past a certain age and, as you alluded to, not be assumed to be a child molestor or other shady type. And yes, that’s sad. Also, people back in the ’80s, and in the 20th century in general, matured faster than people do today, so you could see a dude in ’85 who was like 28 but could pass for 34 and be therefore, by today’s standard, closer to that acceptable-age threshold. Which of course didn’t apply in the ’80s – just working with relativity here.

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