A Christmas Story
You didn’t think we’d forgotten about this little prize, did you? Of COURSE NOT. It ranks right up there with National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation on our Holiday Must-See Movie list! Some, we dare say, may even love it more. The point is– we love it, and that’s all the matters around these parts.
The story of Ralphie and his quest for a Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle is a classic in almost any neck of the woods. Why, you ask? Well, there’s approximately one million reasons as to why this gem is such a… well, gem… but we don’t have the time or the space for such a profound declaration of love, so we’ll just give you some of the highlights, bullet style.
1) It involves a 9 year old boy being forced to wear a homemade pink bunny suit.
Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.
2) Ralphie’s journey for his prized possession includes him accidentally saying the F-word in one of the most classic scenes ever to hit film. It also may or may not have also given us a word to use in place of the original F-bomb, much to our parents’ chagrin. Who would’ve thought a tire blow-out would cause so much drama?!
It was all over – I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me.
3) In a perfect example of married life… the fight over the leg lamp. Hey, it was ugly, and Mrs. Parker didn’t want it in the house! Those were the rules. So when it was ‘accidentally’ broken, Mr. Parker knew he had her! He was convinced she broke it on purpose, because it was so ugly (…which, yes, it was. That thing was hideous!) Still to this day, we don’t know the answer.
With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of “Taps” being played, gently…
4) And of course, how can we forget the always-awesome triple-dog-dare? Poor Flick and his mangled tongue. We’d love to say that we’d never put our fellow elementary school friends up to such an act, but eh… we totally would.
NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a “triple dare you”? And then, the coup de grace of all dares… the sinister triple-dog-dare.
The movie came out in 1983, starring Peter Billingsly and Darren McGavin, and was based on Jean Shepherd’s book, In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash. Shepherd (who also happened to narrate the movie) told Ralphie’s childhood tale of wanting the one gift everyone seemed hell bent on making sure he wasn’t going to get it: a BB gun…. and not just ANY BB gun. Too bad they’re so dangerous; man, you could shoot your eye out!
Giving us memorable quotes for days on end, we’ll say it’s almost impossible to not like this flick. We know we love it, and we couldn’t be prouder that it arrived in our decade.
We ♥ A Christmas Story.